Security and Defenses = waste of time.
Security is basically a mental construct; in reality there’s no such thing. The real world is filled with brain embolisms, cancer, drunk drivers, people changing their minds or lying, etc. We invented the concept of “security” in our brains, which creates an alternate environment to reality because reality scares us. tough s___ really, cuz we’re stuck with it. :-> We can take precautions to mitigate bodily harm (don’t walk across freeways) but after that,
it’s time to surrender to being here on the planet where you never know when a plane will fly into your building. Might as well stop fighting reality and just be with it.
You may notice that your vulnerability doesn’t alter anything but your ability to feel. We have no control whatsoever over events via our internal mental constructs. We can’t stop embolisms, buses, or lightning. The more open, the more you feel. when pain is not the enemy, but merely the negative shape defining the positive shape, it loses all it’s power. it’s no big deal anymore, and we just move on.
Vulnerability is a major trigger for a lot of folks; especially those with lots of Brain Triad or Brain Triad Stress Points, where threat analysis is part of the core processing framework. For some, Vulnerability is actually The #1 issue; their entire Identity is based on the unconscious belief that the “reason they are separate from God and the Universe is because at some time before memory they were vulnerable, so they will never let that happen again. “I will go thru this world as a Sherman Tank and never be vulnerable and never get hurt.” By their mid-forties they usually realize that:
a) they get hurt all the time
b) their hardness keeps them separate
c) the strategy doesn’t work
I’ve found that in the end, looking back, there is absolutely no difference at all between protecting myself from disappointment or hurt and not protecting myself, except when I protect myself, I never have a completely immersed experience. I keep one foot on the dock, and never get all the way on the boat. I still get dumped in the water, but I never get the experience of being on the boat completely.
Part 2 is discovering that getting dumped in the water doesn’t kill me. As a matter of fact, when I incorporate the likelihood that I will end up in the water, and don’t back away from that, I have a full immersed experience, for however long it lasts, and then it’s over, and that’s fine too. Now I’m in the water, feeling my feelings, learning my lessons, and maybe even being thankful for what was good while I was on the boat.
Turns out the pain was directly proportionate to my attachment to avoiding it.
Without avoiding it, we experience Yin AND Yang, which is just good old Life. There is nothing without its negative shape defining it. No joy without sorrow, no love without pain, no intimacy without vulnerability and so on.
If we strip every bit of b.s. off the structure, and embrace what is left with total abandon we can keep things pretty clear. Admittedly not the easiest (no glossing over that which doesn’t “fit” the picture of how it’s supposed to be or look.)
What am I advocating here? Being. Being Real, Being Immersed, Being Present, Being Gracious, Being Responsible, Being Kind, etc. Pretending that we can prevent hurt or disappointment by holding ourselves in emotionally suspended animation just doesn’t work. Being fully here, in the present, does.