optimized-results.com

“The Way does not require cultivation - just don’t pollute it.  What is pollution? A fluctuating mind, fabricating artificialities and contrivances.  If you want to realize the Way directly, all you need is your natural Mind.  This is the mind without artificiality, without subjective judgments, without grasping or rejection.”  - abridged from Chan Master Mazu, 12th Century.

When you remember that what you are searching for is that (who) is conducting the search, you can stop and discover what is already present; connection to Source/Being and the Real Version of what you were chasing.  For example, if I chase Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Subtext: Friend or Foe? [8:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The Space Between
Implicit Confusion / Explicit Clarification explored the pitfalls of not fully and clearly expressing something; leaving nothing to interpret.  We looked at this from the speaker’s perspective, in terms of being explicit and not implying what needs to be stated clearly.  Implications are fraught with interpretation, and interpretation is fraught with our own worldviews and baggage. 

Looking at this issue from the perspective of the listener we may have far more power to keep the communication on track.  Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Implicit Confusion - Explicit Clarity [8:13m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Three Strikes and You’re Out (revisited)

Just as a quick reminder, the “Three Strikes of Communication” are Assumptions, Projections, and Avoidance.  These are the most fundamental ways we take our communication off track, and stopping them is the most foolproof way to improve your communication and your relationships.  For the most part, these Three Strikes show up as a function of the listener.  It’s the listener who makes the assumption that they understand something, that they’ve experienced what the speaker is expressing, and that there is no need to check in for clarification.  Digging a little deeper, we need to look at both the listener’s and the speaker’s contributions.  This is where implicit vs. explicit communication comes into play.

Let’s start by being really clear about our meanings here.  Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Standard Podcast [9:42m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Conscious or Unconscious, You’re Still Communicating
One of the most important premises behind Conscious Communication is that on some level, there is actually a point in our communicating.  We actually want to convey an idea or share something.  We’re not just making noises with our mouths, without a connection to some kind of outcome.  Over time, it becomes a kind of auto-pilot activity like walking, and we  really don’t think about it.  When a problem or misunderstanding comes along, it surprises us, like banging into a coffee table in the middle of the night.  Suddenly, we become very conscious of walking and we pay a lot of attention, at least until the next day when our shin isn’t hurting anymore. Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Back On Track, part II [10:00m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Adventures in the Third Dimension
In Getting Derailed Communication Back On Track, part I we introduced two different areas where our perspectives split off in different directions.  First there are the Translational differences, which are described by our “flat” model of people sitting in a circle.  We’re each seeing a different view based on where we’re sitting, which is a metaphor or model of our individual processing centers or lenses.

Remember, these processing centers - how we take in and organize information - shape our translation of the world around us.  Do I translate something as it affects who I am in the world?  Do I see it as affecting safety?  Do I translate it through how I think things should be?  Those perspectives are part of a “flat” model, because everyone is at the same general level of consciousness development.

Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Standard Podcast [08:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

So Many Rails, So Little Time 
A difference of opinion or argument can be healthy and productive.  When it’s more about less than conscious communication process, we get the endless tug-of-war that eats our time and energy.  Think about how much time you spent with an initial interaction that went badly, and then add the amount of time you spent thinking about it afterward, plus the follow up communication time, plus how much more time you now spend thinking about the follow up, then multiply that times how many occurrences in a day, and times everyone else spending their time and energy the same way, and you’ll see we’re talking about a vast amount of time and energy being wasted.  That’s a valuable resource we can reclaim.

There are many things we do to de-rail our communication, from assuming and projecting, to “Being Right,”  and maybe if we know more about the existing tracks, we’ll recognize the signs of going off of them before we crash.  The vast majority of the struggles we have in communication are about what I’ll call the Translation level.  Read the rest of this entry »

Well I accidentally erased this entire entry, so we’ll see if I can reconstruct it from memory.  And that’s the last time I do a post without committing it to another file form first.

The Evolution of Consciousness parallels the evolution of astronomy.  Our part within it shifts more and more to being a real part of it all rather than the detached observer.  The differentiated specialness of narcissistic ego is very different from the “isn’t it amazing to be part of this” experience.  Our consciousness as it evolves matches the constant movement outward from center of a small known Universe, outward and into an ever-enlarging other that we are a part of, which in turn expands, showing everything we thought was everything, is merely floating in something even larger, and we’re just part of that.  Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Two Sides of Compassion [7:27m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Empathy vs. Objectivity

Empathy and objectivity seem to be incredibly different at first glance.  Empathy is all about your mirror neuron systems  doing their jobs in the insula region of the brain, causing you to have experiences internally that match what you are viewing or hearing externally.  You feel sadness take you over when watching someone experiencing deep grief and loss.  You wince in reaction to seeing someone else being kicked in the head.  When you see someone grasp a glass off a table, you can somehow “tell” whether they’re going to drink it or they’re clearing the table.  These are the basic building blocks of empathy.  The more developed and complex our mirror neuron systems are, the more empathic we are.     Read the rest of this entry »

There is a quiet power in Consciousness Evolution.  The straightforward concept (mentioned last post) of “you cannot diminish me,” when truly, bodily known, creates an unbreakable strength.    The mere words, when not really believed, actually preclude access to this strength.  The inauthenticity sets up a kind of internal incongruence, and an internal argument between factions fights within you.  The argument inevitably  lands on the side of basic survival (always our lowest consciousness, closest to our animus) which assumes the worst: “you can diminish me, but I’m going to fight that, and you.”     Read the rest of this entry »

 

 Standard Podcast [8:12m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Manipulation or Facilitation
A number of clients over the years have expressed some discomfort with their newfound skills in communication, even asking questions about ethics.  These questions are familiar to those who’ve studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) or Hypnotherapy.  Being able to move someone with communication; whether that’s moving them in their “position,” or moving them emotionally, is quite powerful.  When we’re moved by a poem, we rarely think of that as being manipulated, even though in the strictest definition that’s exactly what happened.  In fact, depending upon your source, the negative connotations that the word carries can be a second or third definition. 

Manipulation actually comes from the Latin: manipulus, which is to operate with the hands or by mechanical means.  To “turn something over in your hands” is actually a precise definition of manipulation.  We’ve only added the “devious” implications over the last few hundred years.  Now that we’ve shifted its meaning, it seems we’re stuck with that. 

When a technique proves extremely effective, it becomes an advantage.  Conscious Communication gives you an ability to move others through your words.  In and of itself, this kind of advantage is no more malevolent than having a graphite tennis racquet or a titanium bicycle frame.  These advantages are available to everyone, and they’re not breaking any “rules.”  You still have to use the tools well, regardless of how good the tools may be.  How you use them becomes the real question.  What is your desired outcome?  This comes back to Non-Zero Sum game theory.     Read the rest of this entry »