Two Sides of Compassion
Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.
podcast version (7:27 min.) in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
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Two Sides of Compassion
(click for podcast version)
Empathy vs. Objectivity
objectivity seem to be incredibly different at first glance. Empathy is
all about your
mirror neuron systems doing their jobs in the insula region of the
brain, causing you to have experiences internally that match what you
are viewing or hearing externally. You feel sadness take you over when
watching someone experiencing deep grief and loss. You wince in reaction
to seeing someone else being kicked in the head. When you see someone
grasp a glass off a table, you can somehow “tell” whether they’re going
to drink it or they’re clearing the table. These are the basic building
blocks of empathy. The more developed and complex our mirror neuron
systems are, the more empathic we are.
The Law of Allowance
The “Law of
Allowance” is using empathy and objectivity to allow the other person to
be who they are. This sounds deceptively easy and obvious, but it is one
of the most powerful practices my clients learn. We have many reasons
for why we don’t simply do this naturally. We want people to be a
certain way. We want them to be like us, or predictable, or be what
we’ve projected them to be, or simply to make “sense” to us the way we
see things. To just let them be whoever they really are could be
devastating to the story we’ve been telling ourselves; the story that
has supplanted reality. The story that we have built our play around.
The Check In
How many times have
you heard “never assume?” And yet, we still seem to do it all the time
in communication. We assume we know what someone’s going to say before
they say it. We assume where the conversation is going. We assume we’ve
already had this conversation a million times before, and so on. What
these all have in common is that they completely remove you from the
actual conversation; either putting you into a past situation with
someone else, or just an alternate to where you are. I’ve lost track of
how many times someone has gone off on a tangent built from the first
five words of my sentence, and completely taken the discussion off
track, as I try desperately to pull them back to the original point, or
get locked in a battle defending what I really meant.
The solution is the simple, tried and true check in. Listen to the other person without interrupting, and then ask them if you really understand what they said. “When you said you need a vacation, did you mean in general or from me?” I only use this silly example because for the most part, people invent the worst possible way to take it, then make that be what the other person “said,” and then get into an argument. Totally unnecessary and not fun.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward? Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
Conscious Communication - the podcast series
Personal Life Media - "Coaching the Life Coach:"
Interview for Entrepreneur Magazine Radio w/ R. Wolter
Interview Podcast for Evolutionary Radio w/ J. McClain2nd Edition now availableome visit the Blog.
Ever want to create
characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours. Enjoy!
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Cover to Cover
And of course
the 800 lb.
Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life. Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for “Kind Ambition”
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine
“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this straightforward and inspirational book.”
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
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