Home

Services

About Us

Podcasts

Blog

Contact


December

2009

 
What's Conscious Communication Got To Do with You? 

Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.

 

Upcoming Events

Feature Article  No time? Listen to the

  podcast version (10:08 min.) in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.

Quick Communication Tip

Resource Links

 

****************

 

 

****************

 

Holiday Sale on "Kind Ambition"

New Special Every Day - Right Now:

Buy 5 copies and get one FREE!

"Ian Blei knows more about developing and maximizing personal effectiveness than anyone I know. He does it with brilliance and with heart. I highly recommend this book!"

-Barbara Mark, Ph.D. Founder of Full Circle Institute
Former President the International Association of Coaches
and creator of Cut to the Chase. 

Check out specials on the web site here.

 

 

****************

 

 

What's Conscious Communication
Got To Do with You?

(click for podcast version)

 

One Root - a Million Dandelions

Conscious Communication has covered areas from the philosophical to nuts and bolts communication practices. We’ve highlighted inroads to personal development and more effective management and leadership. Why? All of these areas rely on communication. Whatever we do to improve our communication improves virtually every other area of our lives. The more consciousness and awareness we bring to our communication, the more conscious and aware we become as people. Again, you may ask why. Why is this desirable?

Virtually every mistake we make in our lives and businesses can be traced back to a lack or lapse of this awareness. On the other side, we can give credit for virtually every success to our being conscious and aware. It’s been said that luck is the intersection of opportunity and preparedness. When we’re less aware, we miss opportunities, and no amount of preparedness can make up for that. On the other hand, when we’re more aware we don’t miss opportunities, and even if we’re not prepared, we can still improvise, and often pull out a success. Apparently, awareness has priority over preparedness when pursuing success.

So coming back to Conscious Communication as both a path and a practice for developing our awareness, how does this fit in our busy lives? When we look at all the things we’re juggling, it’s obvious why people feel overwhelmed. Every day we have a barrage of thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, plans, and actions. Every day we strive to keep things in order, to organize our lives, to achieve some kind of balance. Many ironically put off their own personal development, which would help with the struggle, seeing it as “just more things to do.”

What if we could apply just one process that could solve for all these concerns? What if paying attention to just one thing could streamline that barrage; organize our lives, and bring balance as well? One thing can do all that: Conscious Communication. Whether we’re striving to bring a group of people together for a common goal, or overcoming an internal block personally, Conscious Communication is the answer. This is what’s called an Integral Solution. When we can find one singular root behind a million issues and events; one entity that touches every other aspect of our lives, we’ve found a simple yet powerful area to work with.

The Mortar Between the Bricks

If you think of every thought, feeling, action, and person as a puzzle piece, linking and touching each other, what is in the space or the cracks between them? Communication. Whether it’s the communication between your senses and your brain, your emotions and your body, or your self and your boss, information is being transmitted, received, and interpreted. Communication is perhaps the most pervasive, omnipresent thing in your life. I’ve often compared it to the Dark Matter throughout the Universe: an “invisible” medium between everything, touching everything, and perhaps binding everything as well.

So if we truly want to deal with the millions of things in our lives in an efficient manner, why not deal with the soup that they’re all swimming in? Communication. And since we know that increased awareness and consciousness results in seeing more opportunities and doing things better the first time, the logic of applying that consciousness to our communication is inescapable.

If there’s any question as to whether we have room to improve, the estimates for how much of our lives are unconscious range from 70 – 90%. We operate from rote behaviors and outdated scripts most of the time. If you don’t believe this, just try to pay attention to every minute step of something you do every day. It’ll seem really weird. That’s because normally you don’t pay that kind of attention. We filter billions of thoughts, feelings, and actions out of our consciousness, because we simply don’t have the bandwidth to handle it all. This is just one more reason to pick one area to focus your consciousness.

Benefits Not Features

Starting with the most obvious area, Interpersonal Communication can either facilitate relationships and projects or destroy them. Whether with co-workers or family members, when we’re in auto-pilot, we say things that we don’t mean, we try to impress rather than listen, we speak from defensiveness rather than openness, and we can be completely incongruous with our message vs. the tone of voice we use to deliver it. Our unconsciousness further disables correcting these things, as we don’t notice that we did them in the first place, and assume it’s the other person’s problem.

There’s another unconscious pot hole: assumptions. Assumptions, projections, and avoidance are unconscious ways to not fully engage or interact with another person. They’re methods for having the entire exchange in our own heads, which means we’ll almost always be wrong.

That goes for the defensive tactics we unconsciously use to separate ourselves from others, when we know consciously that connecting serves us better. Being right, already knowing, already being “fine,” and all the childlike ways we block our vulnerability, inevitably prevent us from learning and growing. This is what created Top-Down communications in the business world, which prevented millions of organizations from evolving and improving their processes. Management couldn’t listen to labor, because they had to maintain the illusion of already knowing everything and being “smarter.”

Conscious Communication is a major time-saver in the same vein as “measure twice, cut once,” or “a stitch in time saves nine.”


* When we don’t use this consciousness, we inevitably spend
   much more time fixing, clarifying, and putting out fires.
 

* Being explicit, we eliminate all the interpretations and
   subtext people can invent and act upon.
 

* When we pay attention to Trigger Words, we increase our
   compassion and eliminate those fires to put out.
 

* When we pay attention to another person’s Tempo,
   Phrasing, and Perspectives, we can build rapport faster,
   which facilitates a functional relationship.

And finally, becoming the best you possible requires Internal Communication that is of the highest quality as well.

* The stories you tell yourself (and others) can limit and drive
   you where you don’t want to go.
 

* The way you motivate yourself (and others) can be
   completely dysfunctional or exceptionally effective.
 

* Being conscious that your Perceptions are not “The Truth,”
   but merely a piece of a larger puzzle gives you the ability
   to gather more information.
 

* Recognizing that your Interpretation of Events is
   controllable gives you power and freedom in the face of
   those events.
 

* Being conscious that both Survival Thinking and Success
   Thinking are Self-Propagating, and that you are in charge
   of which you choose, depending upon your internal
   communication, gives you power and freedom in your life.

In short, there is no other single thing you can do that will so positively affect every area of your life. Conscious Communication is an Integral Solution, and it’s always within your grasp.

 

 

****************

 

Quick Communication Tip

 

Pay More Attention to Your Communication

That may almost sound flippant, but the fact of the matter is we really don’t pay that much attention to our communication. It’s one of the zillion things we’re doing all the time, and to slow down and take the time to pay attention is just too much trouble. Unfortunately, we all too often get the same results as the Hare in the “Tortoise and the Hare” fable. In our haste, we misspeak, misinterpret, trigger people, and generally make more work for ourselves in the long run.

By paying extra attention to our communication; both speaking and listening, we can avoid all the problems our auto-pilot method gets us into, and get better results in less time. Don’t assume, project, or avoid getting real information; ask questions and check in. Be as accurate with your language as you’d be with a scalpel, and say exactly what you mean to say, so others aren’t left to interpret. Engage your consciousness before putting your mouth in gear, and your transmission of ideas will be smooth and error-free.

 

Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.

 

 

****************

 

 

Resource Links:

 

Conscious Communication - the podcast series

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"

Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the Integram (TM)

 

Personal Life Media - "Coaching the Life Coach:"

Communication Excellence (Podcast Snippets)

Communication Excellence (full interview)

Interview Podcast for Evolutionary Radio w/ J. McClain

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition now available

Got Blog? come visit the Blog.

Character Driven - Ever want to create characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were characters?
 

****************

 

Subscribe to the Conscious Communication Chronicle

Email:

 

 

Welcome to the 50th Issue of the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours.   Enjoy!

 

 




Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results
415.826.0478

 

 

 

The Coolest

Holiday Gift

You Can Give!

 

 

Kind Ambition

On SALE!

 

 

Specials every day on the web site:

just

Click HERE

 

 

 

 

 


Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul
 

 

also available at:


Browser Books
 2195 Fillmore St.
San Francisco, CA
 

Cover to Cover
 1307 Castro St.
San Francisco, CA
 

Phoenix Books
 3850 24th St.
San Francisco, CA
 

And of course the 800 lb.
Amazon.com


 

 

Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.

 

Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.

 

 

 

 

Kind words for “Kind Ambition”

 

"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media

 

 

 

 

 

“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment

 

 

 

 

 

" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The  good news is: they can be overcome.  The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."

-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's

 Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine

 

 

 

 

 

“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life.  Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in  this straightforward and inspirational book.”

     -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”

 

 

 

 

 

" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways.  His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."

-Roy King, III , Director Pacific Development Partners

 

 

 

© 2001- 2011 Optimized Results. All Rights Reserved     205 Chattanooga St.   San Francisco, CA 94114     415.826.0478