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Reclaiming Wasted Energy
(click for podcast) (6:48 min.)

This may seem a bit out there to those who haven’t thought about it, but almost every bit of conflict and dissatisfaction comes down to one single deep root. Our psyches have this Egoic Prime Directive – Differentiation. There are of course myriad motivations that sit on top of this directive, from the desire for personal autonomy to creating a “story of self,” but the core issue is the same.

Like many other things we feel either consciously or unconsciously, the problems arise with what we do with those feelings. For example, anger in itself can be either a negative explosion of violence, or a positive motivation for taking action. So what happens with this “need” to differentiate?

The basic narrative underneath is simply, “I am this, and you are that.” If we think about this for a minute, it’s pretty obvious. We have this outline or boundary around us called skin. It prevents us from accidentally merging atomically with the sidewalk – or other creatures. We can see instantly that each of us is a differentiated being. So why do we feel the need to accentuate and articulate “I am this and you are that” by pointing out all the obvious differences?



It probably goes back to prehistoric times, when rather than personal differentiation, it was more about “are you in my tribe,” which would denote safety. That might have been some form of recognition; either facial or some kind of trappings, like feathers or clothing.

On this basic level, we started establishing a safe/not safe “program” that over a million years, became ingrained in our Hippocampus. The more different you looked, the higher the possibility of threat. This is so deeply ingrained that our modern Neocortex has to do an override, as this threat model is completely obsolete. There’s no longer a reliable correlation.

The more we actually think about it – using that big Neocortex we developed – the more this concept of making you “other” becomes superfluous.


At first glance we can see each other as being distinct, separate beings. There’s no need to make proclamations of “I am this and you are that.” Once again, it’s obvious. Where things go really south is when we start ascribing narratives to support the proclamation. This is especially true when trying to “elevate ourselves,” with that differentiation. Now the “I am this and you are that” takes on a completely unnecessary rationale. Beyond the obvious outlines around us, we add “you are that because…” and focus on all kinds of differences from physical to modern tribal separations.

Every prejudice arises from this superfluous differentiation. Skin color, height, gender, and age are easily seen at first glance. We don’t need to proclaim them or divide ourselves up this way. Nor do we need to proclaim differentiations in beliefs. This will come up in normal conversation.

Every leaf of a tree looks a bit different and is attached to a different stem, yet they’re all just leaves of the same tree. Every wave looks a bit different, yet they’re part of the same ocean.

The false “elevation” concept is the negative side of proclaiming differentiation. No leaf is superior to another leaf. No wave is superior to another wave. We can accept the obvious, and move forward from there. What marvelous things might we think about and feel, transcending this ancient, vestigial wiring?



Imagine learning about and respecting one another without preconceived biases or prejudices. Rather than the assumptions and projections filling in the voids of understanding, we could communicate with one another. We could genuinely understand one another in a deeper and more authentic way. The need for belonging could be fulfilled by belonging to a much larger group: the Human Race. Continuing this evolution of consciousness, the “we” would grow as the “them” shrinks. We might even, some day, see that we are threads in the fabric of the Universe itself. No more silly “isms” to divide us.

Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible? How your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward? Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.

     - Ian J. Blei

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