The Integram:
an Integral Enneagram of Consciousness; a model of consciousness,
including all aspects, for designing practical paths of personal
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Inside Out
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(7:39 min.)
It may seem
ridiculously obvious, but the deepest and most important relationship we
have is with ourselves. Everything has an origin point. I love the
metaphor of the pebble hitting the water, as it so beautifully describes
this natural, organic phenomenon. From that point of origin, the ripples
flow outward in all directions. They don’t just go in one or two,
and this is really important.
Our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions flow outward in all
directions too. Whether we’re aware of them or not, they still ripple
outward, and there are still consequences.
I wish I could remember the title of this one book my Dad had me read as
a kid. In the very beginning, it used a pebble tossed into a lake to
illustrate the possible consequences (intended or not) from that action.
The ripples washed out the last bit of soil around the roots of a tree
on the bank, and the tree fell into the lake, carrying a nest of baby
birds into the water. This was my introduction to systems thinking.
My Dad was a biochemist and microbiologist, and wanted me to understand
that nothing exists outside of a system. Everything is connected in some
way. This “every action has consequences” way of thinking became firmly
fixed in my mind, shaping how I perceived the world around me.

What I only realized recently, was that this kind of systems thinking is
actually a path out of the childhood developmental stage of narcissism.
When we think of ourselves as part of a larger system, we move from the
“I, me, mine” stage of perception to the “we, us” stage. We begin to
think of ourselves in this bigger picture where we can visualize the
consequences of our pebble hitting the water.
Narcissism has gotten a lot of attention lately, and with that
attention, a lot of misinformation as well. It’s actually a very normal
childhood stage of development. If you think about the very first years
of life, especially if you were in a crib, how would you perceive the
world around you? From that perspective, life literally did
revolve around you. In our childhood, we’re seeing everything as it
relates to us, as we occupy that centralized location, and everything
seems to orbit us.
In most cultures, especially going back a bit in time, there were coming
of age rituals that dealt with moving from the child developmental stage
to the adult stage. This was where we joined the larger group as a part
of the “we.” We hunted and brought back a deer to the tribe, or had some
kind of ritual to welcome the teenager to the larger group.
Over the last 60 years or so, commerce marketing figured out that people
purchase more when they’re focused on themselves and how others see
them. Sharing doesn’t increase profits. The media and the messages began
to support and nurture this childhood stage lasting into adulthood.
Decade after decade it became more normalized to have this “arrested
development,” to where children modeled parents who were stuck in that
stage. Eventually we reached a place where it could be called epidemic.
It’s really important to see this phenomenon happening on a spectrum. A
person can have narcissistic tendencies, where it doesn’t heavily impact
others, or extreme narcissism, where they become psychologically
dangerous to others. It’s one thing to process everything from a
self-centered perspective, and quite another to manipulate, gaslight,
and control.

What’s almost paradoxical about this self-centering, is that it’s
usually based on an identity story, rather than our inner values. This
results in a fragile, eggshell-like existence, where external events
have enormous impact on us, and we’re constantly running around trying
to live within this story. Reality keeps happening, and the story gets
tossed around like a leaf in the wind. If we’re identifying with that
story, we’re the ones getting tossed around.
If, on the other hand, we create our identity from the inside, rather
than what we think we’ll look like to others, we can relax quite a bit.
It’s far easier to be who we truly are than to constantly be figuring
out who to “chameleon” into, thinking it’ll please others or make us
look good. This comes back to a familiar theme. Who we truly are
is either the embodiment or the disregarding of our values.
This embodiment or lack thereof really is the pebble from which
everything flows. Getting away from the false conditional we’re
gaslighted with (if I buy your product/service, I’ll be liked,
successful, pretty) we can start to see how we don’t need to fulfill
that condition. If we see ourselves as the embodiment of our values, we
won’t think we have to act a certain way or say certain things to fit
in.
The external influences become more like icing on the cake, rather than
the meal. Instead of trying to figure out what might be in other
people’s minds, so we can act the way we think they want us to act, we
can simply Be. Think about it. Look at how fantastic your values are.
Think about being the living, walking, talking embodiment of those
values. That’s one heck of a fantastic pebble, and the ripples will be
the best they can be.

Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?
How your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward?
Come visit the
web site,
or better yet,
contact me and
see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- Ian J. Blei
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The Integram
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Kind
Ambition
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3rd Edition
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The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
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Institute for Integral Enneagram
Studies
and
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415.826.0478
Kind Ambition
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thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be thrown around by them. You
can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine
- yet.
Kind Ambition
is written for you, as
a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula
of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you
tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice
when you do.
Kind words for “Kind Ambition”
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in
running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying
life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a
digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The
notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and
serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve
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age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives
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Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
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" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of
these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The good
news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found
in this book will help you on your way."
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Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
Company Magazine
“A
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
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Star
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