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It Takes All Kinds
(click for podcast) (8:44 min.)

With all the bias and divisiveness we’re seeing these days, wouldn’t it be more beneficial to look at improving communication, increasing innovation, and being more connected? Remember the old adage: “divide and conquer?” How about “united we stand, divided we fall?” These were pretty important lessons for us to learn as a people, and there’s no reason we have to re-learn them.

Many corollaries in nature bear out the benefits of both a diverse gene pool, and teamwork by different species. Diverse gene pools prevent over-weighting of specific traits, and lack or absence of others. When everyone in any group are all alike, it’s problematic on both a genetic level and a social one. Hypertrophic perspectives have blind-spots in some areas and negative re-enforcement in others. Monocultures are vulnerable; hurting the ability to survive and thrive in a sustainable manner.

Sure, each of us have myriad aspects that can be singled out as being different than someone else. We can make this really complicated by enumerating every leaf on the tree, but understanding that our biases come from a fundamental other vs. alike gives us a clearer, singular path for action.

A familiar metaphor might be a multitude of dandelions sharing a common root. We can spend a lot of time chasing the individual dandelions or go straight for the roots. That streamlines the process of affecting a difference.

I personally prefer the metaphor of leaves of a tree, as dandelions look alike, whereas every leaf of a tree looks a bit different, is attached to a different stem, are at different heights, yet they're all just leaves of the same tree.



Perhaps if they were conscious and had egos, the upper leaves would be biased against the lower leaves. Boiling it down to the basics, it still always comes back to comparison to oneself, and seeing other or alike, rather than just another leaf on the tree. Each leaf may feel unique, and want their personal experience to stand apart, but for whoever is biased against or for them, it's always just being other or alike in some way.

This bias stems from our Paleolithic beginnings, and is entrenched in our neurobiology. The very nature of basic survival meant knowing who or what was safe. That generally meant your family or tribe and your known experience. This knowledge used some form of recognition; physical similarities, or some kind of trappings like feathers or clothing.

This was illustrated in a campy 1966 B-Movie, “One Million Years B.C.” Conflict arose because the brunette tribe had never seen a blonde, and the blonde tribe had never seen a brunette. Yes, it really can be that silly. The bias toward “like me” and against “different” was a large part of the storyline.



As long as we merely put up with, or tolerate our differences, it will always be an effort or a stretch to do so. The natural relaxation from that effort is to not put up with the differences. This is where the major mind-set must change for us to get the full benefit of real diversity.

Beyond acceptance of each other’s differences, there’s enormous benefit to embracing and celebrating them. We’re stronger, have more ways of looking at things, and have more solutions available to us.

Of equal importance, there are also an astonishing number of ways in which we’re alike. The mere existence of these differences or similarities is really less important or relevant than how we view them. When we look at the advantages, our approach changes. What if we flipped that suspicious attitude to see how our lives are genuinely and visibly improved by virtue of our differences?

What if our understanding of this was so fundamental, that being put off by our differences was a strange and alien phenomenon? What if we could rise above our Paleolithic fear of someone from another tribe stealing our water, and have our attitudes evolve along with our biology and societies? What if we were more aware that this ancient scenario is where the distrust was born, and could see it as irrational in our current situation?

We know these concepts intuitively (even embracing colloquial expressions such as “two heads are better than one”) and yet somehow the old Paleolithic scarcity-based fears get in the way of our better reasoning. We can rise above our old ways which hold us back, by making the concerted conscious effort to achieve our potential.



Here are some practical things we can do to get this diversity dynamic to garner serious benefits:

Notice how you’re feeling when someone looks very different from you (gender, race, etc.). Is there a level of anxiousness or vigilance? If so, that’s most likely a fight-or- flight signal based on ancient wiring. Acknowledge it for the purpose it once served, and give yourself permission to move forward and beyond it.

Look for and see the advantages. Recognize how someone with a completely different background can help you see what you may not have seen before. This increases your safety, rather than threatening it. The more views, the more complete the picture.

Make the first move. Recognizing that others may have the same instinctual fears and trepidation, anticipate their resistance, and don’t let it hold you back from being open to working with them. The more we make this the rule rather than the exception, the easier and more natural it will become.

There are countless reasons for embracing our differences, and usually we’re only given the moral, ethical ones. This comes into conflict with our ancient, subconscious, intuitive tribal resistance, and it becomes an effort to take the high road (as much as we may want to do so). Perhaps with some logical pragmatic reasons, steeped in enlightened self-interest, we can overcome our ancient fears, and make the extraordinary our new base-line for interaction.


Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible? How your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward? Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.

     - Ian J. Blei

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Special Offer -

September is Back to School month for many, as well as getting going on that 4th quarter. We can make things a lot easier, better, and more fun by eliminating a lot of unnecessary conflict rooted in old, obsolete internal narratives. We can re-write those narratives and improve every aspect of our lives. Come check out what's on "special" for September.



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The Integram - the podcast series

Kind Ambition - 3rd Edition
 

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