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Breaking Thru the Pavement, part 2

As promised last month, here's the second part of our breakthrough to Liberation and Freedom; a theme I usually coordinate with Independence Day. Let's pick up where we left off last time. We looked at Internal Prejudice, (how we look down our nose at our own natural processing styles,) and dug into ridding ourselves of unnecessary restraints, so we can take advantage of our processing styles, rather than be limited by them. 

We need to take hold of all those voices creating an “internal tug-of-war” in our heads and identify exactly who’s pulling in which direction. And beyond our own internal choir we have the voices of our parents, teachers, peers, and more, all contributing their perspectives, and often denigrating ours.

This sets us up to question ourselves, rather than explore the possibilities and reaches of our innate resources. Furthermore, when we think, feel, and act the way others want us to, we get positive reinforcement, further pushing us away from our authentic, natural processing styles. We're simultaneously given positive reinforcement for abandoning our authentic styles, and negative reinforcement when we're ourselves.



Add to this the complication of our own shifting styles under the dynamics of stress or confidence, and things get complicated quickly. We can shift from being very logical to being very emotional or vice versa. We can normally be very intuitive, and under stress get totally in our heads. These shifts offer us as many resources as they do challenges, but due to the circumstances surrounding our shifting to that processing style, we can associate the style with the state of mind.


Guilt by Association

This couldn’t be more natural or normal. So where’s the catch? Each way of processing has its own set of filters, problems, and resources. Crazy as it may seem, there’s a downside to the way we process in confidence, and an upside to the way we process in stress. Those states are within us for a reason. They’re part of the package, and when we exclude or diminish the value of one or the other, we lose a bigger, more inclusive, informed perspective.

Let’s look at how two different people were affected by this, and how we helped maximize their performance. Joe is a successful, busy guy. When he’s under stress, his normally fast, focused way of being seems to hit mush as his body takes over processing duties. He loses direction, priorities, and his “go get ’em” attitude, and so associates his body’s input as a negative thing. When Joe’s feeling confident, his competitiveness melts into a more “focused on others” team orientation, with all kinds of thinking, strategizing, and planning, so Joe associates his “better self” as a thinker.

This creates an underlying prejudice toward thinking and away from his body, and as  with most prejudice, this is due to incomplete information. Joe’s gut has important data to bring to the table, but because he associates it with stress, he discounts it.  Furthermore, he builds his life around the premise that thinking is always preferable to intuition or his natural processing center: his feelings.

When we re-connected him with the valuable information his heart and intuition had been trying to share, Joe found his happiness. Prior to this, his brain kept connecting him to things. Things weren’t satisfying or making him happy (they weren't even bringing the sense of security that his brain craved.) The information from his heart and intuition connected him to dreams and people. This is where he found his life; his "satisfied, happy, more successful than before" life.



Mary is organized, grounded, and pragmatic. When she’s under great stress, a wave of emotion can overtake her, leaving her feeling moody and depressed. When she’s confident, her brain is a wonderland of ideation and planning. Can you guess how she feels about thinking vs. feeling? The problem is that it’s not her feelings that are at fault, although they’re getting the blame. They’re suffering guilt by association with stress. And just like Joe, although her brain is certainly more active when she feels confident, it isn’t her brain that’s the “hero.” Her feeling side infuses her with a connectedness to art, music, and people.


Conclusion
By learning exactly what our different parts are contributing, we can get out from under the yoke of compulsions and the limitations of internal prejudice. We can know and accept ourselves for who we really are; celebrating the variety and breadth of our processing styles. We can use resources we never knew we had, and not waste time pursuing ways of being that won’t ever fit. We can integrate the varied and diverse perspectives within us, and recognize them in others. We can make life work for us in a way that nourishes and supports us. When people speak of “balance,” it’s really integration they seek; everything clicking in harmony. First, you meet each of your perspectives. Then knowing what they’re each about, you integrate them as your team. When you’re in command of your team, you’re in the driver seat. The rewards that follow are infinite.

Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.

     - Ian J. Blei


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