The Integram:
an Integral Enneagram of Consciousness; a model of consciousness,
including all aspects, for designing practical paths of personal
development and evolution.
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Reactivity
vs. Responsiveness
(click for
podcast
or on Soundcloud))
In the Beginning
Obviously our reactions are an important part of
our survival. As I’ve often said, when a bear jumps out from behind a
tree, you really don’t have the time to ascertain his intentions; you’ve
got to move fast. So reactions aren’t a bad thing in and of themselves.
It’s really a matter of the right tool for the right job. Today, most of
us don’t have to deal with
bears jumping out at us, so we do have the time to ascertain what’s
going on in the moment.
Ascertaining what’s going on in the moment. That little phrase belies
one of the most powerful skillsets we can develop; the power of
Mindfulness. There are many definitions of Mindfulness, but Dr. Dan
Siegel of UCLA has one that’s as easy to grasp, as it is accurate. We
have “experiential circuitry” in our brains devoted to taking in new
data, and “observational circuitry” devoted to correlating that with
existing data. This enables us to create meaning and a kind of
descriptive narrative or context.
What usually happens is that our “observational circuitry” lags behind
our “experiential circuitry,” creating a kind of gap between them. We
experience something and figure out what it was about afterward.
Mindfulness is about shrinking that gap, so that we understand what’s
happening more in the moment. We’re experiencing and understanding
almost at the same time.
In Neolithic times, finding meaning or context wasn’t as immediately
important as not being eaten by a lion. Being relatively reactive was
the right tool for the job, when what was happening around us was more
about immediate physical threats. This is no longer the case. Especially
as our interactions, our communication, and our lives get more complex,
we need to understand what’s happening around us on a much deeper level.
Just a Pinch of Thought
When we’re in reactive mode, we’re like billiard balls, bouncing off of
everything, with no intentional direction. Something comes up and we
bounce off of it, running into something else, then bouncing off of
that. Aside from the physical and emotional damage it does to us over
time, it’s also just not very productive. Being in constant reaction, we
never get the opportunity to get in front of circumstances with
strategic planning. We’re constantly putting out fires instead of taking
the time to make things fire-proof.
What’s worse is that when we’re in a reactive mode, zipping around at
top speed, we make a lot of mistakes, These mistakes end up taking so
much time to fix, that we end up with a very slow net result. Whether
it’s saying or doing something, we can be sure that rushing and reacting
will result in regret. Remember, reacting is by definition not thinking.
This is what happens when the doctor taps a rubber hammer on your knee’s
patella, and your leg kicks. You don’t have the opportunity to insert
thoughtful intention.
Introduce just a pinch of thought, and reaction becomes a response;
thoughtful and measured. You might think that you don’t have time for
this, but that’s a myth. There’s an old expression I use pretty often:
“measure twice; cut once.” Taking that moment to double-check before you
say or do something will invariably stop you from making the kind of
mistakes that take extra time and energy to repair.
You see this sort of thing all the time. People are in this brainless,
reactive state of mind, and rushing to get out of the house, forget
important papers, keys, or spill coffee on themselves while
multi-tasking. This inevitably eats up more time than if we’d slowed
down just enough to be more conscious and intentional. Especially if you
have to go back in the house to change your coffee-soaked clothes, or
you’ve locked yourself out, or both.
The Speed of Success
I was talking with an athlete about using a Mindful approach, and he
said that in virtually every sport, one of the top techniques for
success is something called “slowing time.” If you’ve ever swung a golf
club, baseball bat, or tennis racket, you know that the more you try to
kill the ball, the worse the shot. Taking the time to prepare,
visualize, and smoothly swing through the ball gets much better results.
I’ve had clients who felt pressed to be more reactive, because speed was
such a highly valued commodity, and yet once we looked at error rates,
re-dos, uncomfortable customer conversations when the wrong documents
went out, and so forth, we saw that rushing was not the solution.
Smooth, steady, and accurate yield us much faster results in the long
run, as well as less work. All we need to do is add that pinch of
thought. Responsive will always beat reactive.
We can take a few seconds to save hours. We can listen to another person
more fully, and with more attention, because we’re not rushing off in
our mind. We can avoid misunderstandings that waste time. We can give
others the gift of our full attention, enriching our relationships, and
creating depth and sustainability. We can do things once, without
errors, giving us back more time to do more (if we want to). We can also
fully experience our own lives, rather than a blur from the window of
our speeding bullet train.
Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?
Come visit the
web site,
or better yet,
contact me and
see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- Ian J. Blei
****************
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Resource Links:
Conscious Communication
- the podcast series
Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
Integram
(TM)
-understanding
ourselves, each other, and our relationships
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram
(TM)
Kind
Ambition
-
2nd Edition
Got Blog?
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Character Driven
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Welcome to the Integram, where consciousness meets
intentional design. Enjoy!
The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Studies
and
President of
Optimized Results
415.826.0478
Kind Ambition
Click
HERE
Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
Without Losing Your Soul
Kind Ambition
Fan Page
now on
FACEBOOK
Kind Ambition
is
about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your
own life. Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly
thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be thrown around by them. You
can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine
- yet.
Kind Ambition
is written for you, as
a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula
of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you
tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice
when you do.
Kind words for “Kind Ambition”
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in
running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying
life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a
digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The
notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and
serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve
real growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve
age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives
his work!”
-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your
Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of
these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The good
news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found
in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
Company Magazine
“A
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
straightforward and inspirational book.”
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star
of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”
" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and
straightforward ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I
feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III
, Senior
Partner/Channel Marketing Manager - Skype
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